Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Wonky Days Past

What have you been up to? You've been working non-stop, taking little breaks here and there, enjoying occasions with your Closest. But still you have so much to get done. Your hours have been cut back from your day job, so you've some extra time, and energy, the draw back being now you have less money.

Sunday morning was spent scripting for the current Enrod The Clockman graphic novel, Droid Soldiers ( You've gained a lot of time in these last couple months, but you still need to get further ahead ). Later you came home to find the screen for your DAW to be frozen black. You figured that the monitor had finally died, so you switched it out with one of the spares in your studio junk-pile. Still nothing. Maybe that one was busted too, so you went and got the monitor that you knew was working, the one from your illustration PC, the one you're looking at right now. Still nothing. You tried rebooting your brand spanking new Digital Audio Workstation, and the damn thing wouldn't even reboot. Since you weren't quite ready to freak out you reached around the back of the machine and turned off the power supply directly. It shuts down. You start it up again - hallelujah, it fucking works again. Silly PCs.

For the rest of that afternoon you mixed and recorded and tweaked several tracks for the upcoming Nemion album, Flesheater. By the end of the day you felt sure you'd made some serious progress. You also managed to take time out to complete the coloring on a gift for a relative. You finished your laundry, burned a demo of the album with all the songs in their current states, packed up and went back to your Closest's. Frivolity ensued, though you managed to script for Enrod The Clockman a bit here and there.

There's a third project that you've started, that has a lot of potential, but at this point you aren't going to say anything more about it.

Monday was, well, you're not sure. What happened on Monday? You know you worked your dayjob in the morning, and you were disappointed with the sound of your newest mixes for the songs "Pain of Loss" and "Lost Meat" in the company car stereo system ( however, "Beautiful Something" has finally come alive - just a few more tweaks ) but what else... oh yes, you drew character profiles for ETC ( maybe use them for T-Shirt designs on CafePress? ). You also saw someone get arrested out of their car on your street.

After working Tuesday, you paid your cell phone bill and drew more character profiles. You also began retracking vocals and mixing the song "Open Wrist", a recording you haven't tweaked in four years. When it got dark you left for your Closest's place again to write more ETC script and socialize for maximum affection.

Today was more scripting in the morning ( you're very happy with the latest story ideas you've developed for upcoming installments of the comic ), balancing the finances, an oil change for the vehicle, and mixing and recording "Open Wrist". You just finished up a bit ago with some tweaks on "Lost Meat" and "Pain of Loss". Right now you're feeling good about it. "Flesheater" is going to kick ass. You just got to get it finished by the end of the year. ( T-Bone still needs to lay down bass guitar tracks for "Open Wrist" and "Need". Might need to re-record his parts on "Choke" as well - it's kind of wonky at the moment.)


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Ink Dribbles

It's been an interesting couple of months. You're still here, but you're behind on updating Enrod The Clockman; partly because you spent a week in Hawaii, partly because you spent too much time 3d-modeling the backgrounds in this upcoming update. The day job has been doing a number on you the past week as well, but it looks like things are about to start settling back down now so you won't be so wiped out.

There are some personal matters that are occupying too many of your thoughts. Well, one part of you would rather they occupy all of your thoughts, competing with what does indeed define your existence: your work. That was about the only redeeming thing about the Atlas Shrugged: Part One movie you saw a few days ago - it reminded you of the personal fulfillment that there is to be found in productivity and accomplishment, of endeavoring to create something that is yours while inspiring the lives of others. That's a major part of the goal anyway. Right now there's very little money coming in, and while it's not about the money, money is the most objective form of evidence that one's work is indeed inspiring others, not to mention it would prove extremely useful in freeing up time that you have to sell in order to eat, and have a place to sleep, and store your tools and various creature-comforts.

You're almost done inking the second page in the update, with six more to go. You've got to get them the fuck done by the end of the week. You also need to write checks to a credit card company and your landlord. Which reminds you that in about 3 months you should be able to comfortably update/rebuild your recording studio so that you can get to work on finishing the debut Nemion album. You have such a long way to go with that project. You have to work harder at setting up gigs. You have to work harder at reaching as many people as Nemion gets exposed to.

That one part of you keeps telling you to go kick back with a beer, but that costs more money, and really you're just tired/sleep deprived. But you are awake and you've spent enough time talking to the ether so you should go ahead and post this and get back to inking that page. Now go and do that.

But first post a link to this comic just because it's so incredibly fucked up.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Be Light

Life is a bit of a see-saw ( not to mention typing on a MacBook is proving to be troublesome ); you feel heavy at this moment, as opposed to light - as opposed to being light. You want to feel light. You want to just be to the point of unbearability, which you've had but always at the most unexpected moments.

Last night you had all kinds of things you wanted to discuss. You wanted to talk about how you were surrounded by so many successful members of the bourgeoisie, the class you come from, and yet you yourself are proletariat; or more accurately, you are ( psuedo ) intellectualist/proletariat. All your life you have considered yourself to be on the philosophical spectrum that opposed the ideas of Marx and similar thinkers, yet you have more in common with him psychologically than you do with the market entrepreneurs that you enshrine as the heroes of any prosperous and liberated society. ( there's sand in your scalp, by the way )

Damn, you should have done this earlier. You're fatigued, you haven't fully recovered from jet lag, you feel you should go to bed, and you can't keep your thoughts on a continuous train so that this post can make actual sense. It's okay. Say what you can.

Say why you want to feel light again: You want to feel light because the weight of concerning yourself over the thoughts of others is trying to crush you. It's ridiculous to be concerned about things you have no direct control over, at least to be concerned about them in the manner in which you've been finding yourself concerned over them; that's why you shouldn't worry about other people's thoughts. Certainly there are those you care about, those you are fond of, whose thoughts and feelings you wish to affect in a positive manner, to engender in them feelings towards you that reflect that which you harbor towards them, but ultimately you cannot control whether they feel such or not. Ultimately, you can only control what you think and what you feel.

Remember that, and you will find yourself feeling light more often.

PS: Keep learning to fly, you're getting better at it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Kick-Ass before Total Burnout

You've just finished watching the movie Kick-Ass, and damn did you need that. You'd been putting off watching it for some time for certain reasons that are no longer relevant, and now you feel more inspired that you have in a while. You're glad you didn't read the graphic novel it's based on, as it would have brought down your ability to enjoy the movie, just as what happened to you with Sin City and Choke.

You needed this especially today after having awoken at 7:30am to work on Enrod The Clockman, eating breakfast, showering, and then passing back out around 9:30 until you woke up again a couple hours later to get back to work on ETC. T-Bone arrived at 1:30 for rehearsal and that kicked ass ( no pun intended ) for the second rehearsal in a row. You are quite happy with your recently acquired stack of amp/cabinets, just be patient with what you need to do to get your recording equipment back online.

After T-Bone left, you went back to working on the next ETC update, eating some lunch along the way. There was, and is, still a little more to do but by 8pm you needed to get the hell out of the apartment. You think about hanging out with friends, but decide to go by the book store to sit and read, only to find they're closing for the night. So you check to see if some friends are up to hanging spur of the moment, but no takers tonight; then you feel like checking out the movies and so here you are, fully refreshed and rejuvenated.

Just keep that self-doubt where it belongs and keep focused on what you do - nothing else matters.

"Shows over motherfuckers."

Sunday, February 13, 2011


You saw Metropia just a bit ago. You're inclined to say it's your new favorite movie. It wasn't brilliant, as Being John Malcovich already explored similar themes and you can't think of anything else off hand that was able to elicit the response out of you that that movie did when you first saw it in the theatre; but Metropia was still very good, and the animation style was very clever. You're going to buy it in a physical format some time, as it creates a mood that is conducive to your work, like the movie Pi.

To be fair, it did go beyond the themes explored in BJM, addressing things that are politically, economically and culturally relevant. You have to hold onto yourself to keep down the sense of resentment for those casual moving picture viewers who might call it "weird". It isn't necessary.

Don't be too disappointed with your glass-is-half-empty-self, you had a good rehearsal and good jam session today. Sure it's frustrating to have lost your technological ability to record, but you have some excellent amps and cabs that could blow up your apartment if you cranked them up all the way, and that's awesome.

You've stayed up too late again. Tomorrow you need to balance the finances and get to work on the digital elements of the next update to Enrod The Clockman, as well as figure out gifts.

Good night.

Make It Happen

You've got to figure out how to be as productive during the day as you're inclined to be after the sun sets. You've gotten several things done today, but you could have gotten more done had you not allowed yourself to get distracted by frivolity on the internet. You did make it out to socialize, as it was needed, but you still have a lot to do ( not to mention household chores ).

Acknowledging that you're not looking forward to setting up your rig again for rehearsal tomorrow, you need to recognize that that is all in your head and just get it done, but damn does it make you weary. You're not entirely sure if this is age or not, but you can feel it in your joints and muscles. You remember what it felt like ten years ago - how indestructible you felt in terms of the amount of physical exertion you could put yourself through. You remember it like it was yesterday, but now your body just says "okay, that's enough, time to chill". Or maybe that's in your head too; maybe you're just doing more than you were back then, and you're just maxing yourself out. It certainly makes you feel better about yourself, but the reality is you're not as disciplined as guys like Dave Sim and Will Eisner ( that guy could start and finish two whole pages a day! ). To be fair, you don't just do comics either, and that's all they did.

You just need to keep on doing what you're doing. You should have that next update for by Wednesday. You should.

And see if you can get your damn mixer repaired.

Damn it, you forgot about doing that whole thing on "love" on this blog thing. Maybe next time.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Random Order

The day was lame; it's not worth getting into, other than it was cold as shit.

This evening, on the other hand, was nice. You interacted with multiple individuals of similar political-economic views ( though with enough differences for some healthy debate and discussion to come about ), some of which you hadn't quite met, others you've known and profited from the opportunity to get to know further. Social bonding is essential for any society; you believe this is obvious to most people, but for yourself it's only been apparent in the past couple years. You've really had little use for socializing through out most of your life, at least not for it's own sake. A lot of times that's still the case, but recently you have started to see the value in it. Of course, that value isn't for the sake of socializing, it's for the sake of unwinding.

It can be argued that it's unhealthy to only be around people who share your view of the world; to which you reply: "and how often am I around people like that?" The value in associating with more individuals of your own worldview is the greater level of trust you're able to allow in doing so; there's a greater sense of security which, at the very least, enables you to feel a little more relaxed in those circumstances.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Powdered Sugar

You're all done with loading all your gear back into your place after not playing a show. But you're fine with this, as the show at Headhunters has only been postponed, and you've been promised another date in the near future to make up for the psychotic weather ( it just had to blow in over these three days - no, it couldn't have happened next week ).

While you chilled ( no pun intended ) and watched a couple of the other acts, you started to wish you had chosen to play instead of postponed, but when you walked outside to check on the car you found the sidewalks had a thin layer of white on them and were already slick. T-Bone was right.

You feel good about the postponement. Opportunity for a better date when the weather doesn't suck and people are more willing to come out and Nemion isn't just playing to the other bands. Hopefully they'll be able to work Nemion in in April, as March is all kinds of fucked up for you with two conventions scheduled and a week offshore for your brother's wedding ( which reminds you that you need to bust ass on Enrod The Clockman before hand to make up for what you won't be able to do while there ).

Now there's the Terrorbyte Cyberfest at the end of the month to focus on, in addition to the comic. Shit, to maintain the schedule you need to have that next update up in the next couple weeks. What the hell are you doing up right now? Go to bed so you can take care of your bills and your commission and get back to work on it.

Ah fuck, and now you've just remembered that the power failure yesterday fucked up your digital mixer and/or your music production pc - you need to trouble shoot that and figure out how to have your mixer running without it causing your pc to bluescreen on you. Really, you need to put aside the funds and get a new DAW, as the one you're using is damn near a decade old, and your needs have started to grow beyond what it can handle, especially if you want to expand to videos.

But damn does Headhunters have some good lookin' bartenders.

"It's always gonna be sour grapes with you boy...."

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Ice Packet

You are cold. It's 60 degrees in your apartment because your heater broke down a couple years ago and you haven't felt like having maintenance come in to fix it, relying instead on turning on your oven and leaving it's door open - it's like an electric fire place - hmmm smores sound good all of a sudden.

It's okay because Jack and Tyler are here to keep you company, along Queen Puscifer. You are disappointed in yourself though. You had a lot to do today and you only got half done. You were and are tired and the time just kept slipping by. You were up too late last night and you woke up an hour and a half early due to the insane wind from the front. You have got to make yourself take a shower and go to bed...but goddamm it is so effing cold.

How about them Egyptions? You love seeing their spirit, and the US administration squirm and pussy foot around the sitution. But there's still a long way to go. They all still believe in the same format; they don't recognize that the system itself is conducive to the tyranny they are protesting against.

You're not going to get to work on Enrod The Clockman until the weekend. There's just not enough time, but you like it this way. You just need to get your sleep and minimize your time on the effing internet.

You heard an interview with the Black Keys yesterday on Fresh Air, and they talked about how they canceled/postponed a tour because they knew they were about to have a break down from constantly working. You want that. You want to be in a state where you are constantly working on what you do to the point that you have to force yourself to take a break. That is the only situation that you currently can imagine yourself feeling deserving of a break. That would be fulfillment.

"Serious venus and the lunar child, giggle and the flames go higher..."

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Structure Theory

You need to pick up and organize your studios; the whole apartment. With every project it's becoming more and more difficult to maneuver from one spot to another, to keep track of where you're putting things.

Speaking of keeping track, this is what's on your plate for this week:

1. ink and color work for EP commission
2. Balance finances
3. Nemion merch
4. finishing Line art for next Enrod The Clockman update
5. Nemion rehearsal
6. Nemion show
7. meeting of minds
8. assisting the auto-didactic economic researcher that you often talk to at the cafe
9. and of course the day job

There's something you're forgetting, and the other may know, but he's not talking to you right now, so you'll just have to remember after it's too late.

You really should get a big calendar board that shows the whole year to help you keep track of everything. A band you're friends with has one and you can tell they'd probably loose their minds if they didn't, and you're about to do the same when you don't even have a fan base yet.

You really should take a shower and go to bed.

But first you need to reflect that this marks a week of near-daily blogging. It has helped you greatly, helped you put the other away. Doing this makes it easier to resist things that suck out your time. You've been more focused than you've been in years, and you should keep it up. Sure that little boy keeps whining about a girlfriend or some such nonsense, but you've almost gotten him to accept how things are going to be from here on out.

"We're the Indigo Children..."

"Can I get a hell yeah?"

A couple of days have passed and you're going to just let things flow for this post.

This morning, or rather yesterday morning, you purchased the .mp3 download of the debut Puscifer album "V is for Vagina". Part of you is wandering why purchase it when you can probably find it on a file sharing network; answer: time is valuable and headaches are costly, and your experience with FSNs is generally one that leads to headaches; answer: you enjoy the feeling of supporting an artist who's work is inspiring you in a way that hasn't happened since Nine Inch Nails: Still/All That Could Have Been was released.

You've been dealing with yourself a lot lately. That part of yourself your trying to let go of, to move on from. Conflicts, arguments are becoming more and more regular. You were able to keep him mum and unobtrusive for the past couple days, but today he was starting to get a little out of hand. Friday night he kept you from enjoying yourself as much as you could have. Despite this you were still able to fully appreciate and enjoy the Chant show; Bradley continues to be an excellent underground performer, inspiring even. After the show you got some good news for Nemion in the upcoming Terrorbyte festival.

You keep talking to yourself, actually you're talking to people that you've met in real life, only your imagining having a conversation with them and responding as though they were actually right there in front of you. You've been doing this since you were a kid; you're not sure how far back. You're not sure if that's really you or that person you're trying to put in the back room who is doing this.

At least today you got a bit of commission work done. The EP art is still in production, but progress is underway; the organizational logo is just awaiting confirmation of satisfaction from the client. You also got the all your fliers posted/distributed for the show this Thursday at Headhunters, and managed to get the inking on the last page you worked on completed - a lot of little things to ink that were starting to make your stomach ache - actually that was the cafe mocha reacting to the Mexican Coke you had earlier that day.

You need to sleep now. You have rehearsal tomorrow, and you need to really hit that shit like Ariana Jolie.

"Naturally you're still wrestling with it, so're still you."

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

An Evening With The Queen

Today you walked by that local gym where the hardcore fitness people go to work out. It's partially outdoors, so you get to see everybody pump their iron. Most of those you see there are impressively muscular, men and women. You watched two women snatch and lift above their head a bench bar with very large metal discs on the ends; they looked to have about 150lbs total on each bar. These women were primarily muscle, still feminine but warrioresque. After they drop the bars to the ground, they walk about with absolute control over their limbs. The feminist in you finds this display of female physical strength and athleticism to be attractive, but not to such a degree that you'd actively seek someone like that out. Actually you've been meaning to go there and see if you can meet one of the female trainers as an interview subject to use as reference material for a character in Enrod The Clockman. You don't do that today; but you will eventually.

You don't go to the cafe today. You save a few dollars and use your drawing table at home, and besides, Queen Puscifer has come to visit. She whispers the most inspiring things into your ears while Jack and Tyler dance in the background and you go to work on that page you didn't finish on Monday. She keeps you zoned, for the most part. She only leaves when you ask, and she's always happy to return.

A compatriot of yours calls you up about commissioning something for the project he told you about the last time you saw him. You work it out, it's simple enough so you should be able to work it in with the other things you have on your plate. And the Queen returns with her voluptuous curves; what's your favorite caliber baby?

What do you know? During the day you consider various philosophical concepts you'd like to bring to yourself in these little documents you make before bed, but then you get here and you have no inclination to talk about it. What do you know? There's too many beautiful things bouncing through your ears and they taste like butter with a touch of honey and spice. What do you know? You miss the grind.

Just witness the thickness, and on we ride.

Sure, you can get a "hell yeah".

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Mud Is Good For You.

Today was going pretty swell until you accidentally obliterated that gecko's head with a 35lb slab of metal. That made you feel a little ill. But that's life for the small creatures living in the wake of your kind (not to imply any species self-hate ).

It was another low workload day. You're going to enjoy it while you can, because your project manager has already informed you that a bunch of work is about to come in for which you're one of the few people trained to do, so your days are going to start getting longer in the next couple months.

Instead of drawing, you end up spending you're entire afternoon getting the Nemion website up and running ( ), after you've gotten your nap out of the way of course. Like everything you do it continues to be a work in progress, but at least you've gotten that much out of the way. Now if you can just figure out how to have a voice that doesn't sound like total dog shit.

You're exhausted now. You've just gotten back from your Lindy Hop 1 class, you failed the exit test miserably. You haven't had this much frustration since learning Tai Chi, in fact you're pretty damn sure this is even harder. You're frustrated because you know part of your problem is that you can't learn in group class settings for shit. You've been incompetent at it your whole life, on account that when the teacher starts talking, you almost always zone out and start daydreaming about something irrelevant to the task at hand. So when he tells you to do something, you have no idea what the fuck it is he wants you to do. You're embarrassed, you're pissed at yourself, and you have to resist the urge to retreat into a dark hole somewhere.

You have to resist bringing yourself down into the Abyss for doing so damn much but having yet to accomplish a fucking thing. You have to keep on climbing up that hill no matter how soft and slick the mud gets.

The left side of your brain/eye aches like you've been writing left-handed for the last couple hours, when you're right-handed - evidence that you've been learning something new. It's good for you.

Monday, January 24, 2011


You wake up, either because you need to take a piss ( as has become a bodily morning ritual that you can almost set a clock too ) or because your annoying alarm clock has gone off. After you pee you lay back down. It's cold. You're tired, sleepy, you went to bed way too late, having gotten accustomed to being up til 1am over the weekend, as has become your regular routine. You're head feels heavy - you're that kind of sleep deprived.

You take care of some things. You get up 15 minutes too late to make breakfast. You fuckoff online, and so you end up walking into the office 10 minutes late, but it's okay, there's a meeting and it hasn't started yet. You get lucky, because it turns out you have a lot less work to do today than usual, so you won't be hurting too much from the sleep deprivation, and your back at the office before noon, and home shortly thereafter. Time for a nap on the floor. Take care of some things. Fuck off on the internet. Shower. Eat lunch. Or wait, wasn't it eat lunch and then shower?

You finally manage to get the hell out of your apartment and down to the cafe where you aren't distracted by the Succubus of the World Wide Web. You touch up the page you almost finished on Saturday and then move on to the next one. You still haven't finished that two-page spread because it's a fucking bitch and it's giving you small sensations that are not unlike nausea, especially since there are perspective issues that you've already irreversably fucked up, so you leave it alone and start inking a different page. At least the guy you're sharing a table with is pretty cool, a seemingly successful web retailer, and you have more than a few things to talk about.

Frustratingly, it isn't until after dark that you really start to feel like you're in the zone for getting work done, taking time out to get some concept designs drawn for the commission you picked up over the weekend. Your feet are getting cold as the temperature drops and the building's heat rises away from the floor, weakening your concentration. You're a little annoyed at yourself. You're not going to finish inking the page you started, partly because you kept having conversations with your table-mate, but they were needed, healthy, or else you wouldn't have been susceptible to them.

You're home. You should be in bed, but there's cafe mocha running through your veins, so you're vegging out on the net.

At least you know how to destroy angels.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Nemion Update and other works

Right now I'm a bit exhausted, and don't feel like doing more than vegging out, but I have so many other things I need to be working on. Laundry is first and foremost at the moment, and the clock is ticking until I need to be back in bed for the day job tomorrow.

After getting up around 9:30 ( it was cold, so it took me a while ) I spent the morning finally designing a website for my little band Nemion. I'm keeping it simple for now. Just a homepage with three links - one to a show date list page, one to a streaming demo page with links to youtube videos of some of our live shows, and then one for merch, all of which are still being developed.

T-Bone came over just before 1pm, and we lugged my new bass cabinet ( which he'd had in his van since I bought it from OED drummer Jason Rufus Sewell aka Jr ) up to my apartment. The plan is to pump our drum track mix through it, as it has some very effective tweeters in it. After getting the sound checked, we burned through the set we have planned for our Headhunters show coming up on Feb 3rd. Took a break, learned from the sound issues we had the first time around, and went through the set again.

The week is going to be busy. I have a cd-art commission to start for the band The Scars Heal In Time ( The S.H.I.T. ); I have swing dance class on Tuesday night; a lot more ink work to do for the next Enrod The Clockman update; Swing dance practice on Thursday, which I might have to skip; and getting more stuff done for Nemion.

But I'm so tired right now...if only I didn't need to do the laundry.

On a pleasant note, over the weekend gained 3 more Likes on Facebook.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


I finally watched Memento. It was cool; I can see why so many people praise it, but I found myself a little underwhelmed. Most likely because of all the hype raising my expectations to unreasonable levels, and the movie naturally not being able to attain those levels.

I'd been putting off watching it for various reasons. Partly because I just wasn't in the mood for that kind of story; partly because the idea of not having any short term memory, while intellectually intriguing, I find emotionally discomforting.

"My memory is me, if it dies, I die." - Johnny 5, Short Circuit 2.