Monday, April 30, 2012

Broken Stuff and Getting Out

You just finished penciling for the next installment of Enrod The Clockman.  You are cutting it close for time, having eaten up so much of it finishing up the debut Nemion album.  You need to call the city to confirm Jury duty scheduling....

And fortunately, according to the machine, they've already made their selection so you don't have to go.  You do still need to make a trip back to your own apartment for stuff - namely ink and pens, but you also need to go to the Post Office to mail off your busted smart phone.

That was a bit of an adventure last week.  You car engine suddenly stopped running in the middle of an intersection and a co-worker had to help you push it into a nearby parking lot.  While you were doing that your phone fell from your belt and into the street without you realizing it.  Your co-worker saw it but wasn't able to get to it as you were pushing up an incline.  After you got the car parked, he ran back to grab it and brought back smashed from having been run over by somebody's vehicle.  One thing after another.  It's days like that that make you believe there is a God and he really doesn't like you.

You went to the Austin half of the salvaged Terrorbyte festival Saturday night.  That was a much needed excursion, as you hadn't gone out in a long time and you've been getting somewhat depressed lately.  

That last sentence warrants a bit of an explanation.  You're getting impatient.  It seems you're working harder and harder to make something cool, but you don't feel what you've created, and are still creating, are getting validated.  People compliment them, but very few are inspired enough to support it tangibly.  You know this is you're fault.  You know that if you want to attain your desired level of tangible support, you are responsible for creating something that will inspire the necessary number of people to give it to you, and evidently you have yet to do so.

There are a lot here in Austin that are dealing with the same struggle, a lot that you are well acquainted with.  As critical as you are, you see the flaws in their work, in their strategies, yet so many are further ahead than you are with your social-networking incompetence, and what's worse you find yourself agonizing over all the flaws in your own work.  That lack of tangible support validates your perception of those flaws.

On the upside, last week you got several positive and encouraging emails from fans of Nemion.  You wished people would write in like that in response to Enrod The Clockman.  On the other hand, you find yourself getting somewhat addicted to the attention of people writing in to compliment you, which leads to depressing disappointment when the next day you don't get any emails at all.  

You need to not be so attached.